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11:54am 12/06/2007

I've been doing a lot of thinking.  I think thinking is the devil.  Nothing good ever comes from it actually.  I guess it sucks to know I annoy people because I'm loud or too blunt.  I guess I don't see the point anymore in trying to be fake and nice to others to sugar-coat things for them.  I can't really expect people to like me, but knowing I annoy that many people sucks!!  That's never cool.  

I've always had crushes and someone to like.  I wonder if I have these crushes because I try to keep myself from getting hopes up and getting hurt in the end.  However, I still wind up getting really freaking hurt.  More and more as I get older and develop a crush on someone new.  The crush is more and more intense and I get more and more emotionally involved which I wind up getting hurt in the process.  It's like you can put someone on a pedestal without even knowing that you're doing it.  They're meeting all of your wants for a mate, and whether or not it's true, it's totally how you feel and it becomes true in a way.   

No, that's not what I'm trying to say, I'll have to think about it.   Regardless, I'm left feeling a bit glum and pretty sad actually.  Just wondering when I'll meet that someone out there for me.  Also has me analyzing whether or not something is wrong with me as to why I haven't met someone yet.... Why the only people that truely love me are my friends.  Guys seem to only want one thing form me and that's ass.... or to play games.  I'm so tired of games.  I want someone to like me for me, and not because he wants a piece or because he wants to be in a relationship.  I want someone emotionally and overall mature.  Someone who I can have fun with, but still be realistic that we're adults now.  Someone who gets me to try new things, things that I'm a little scared to try, but could be a whole lot of fun, someone who wants to travel, wants a family one day, someone.....

ok I'm going to stop.  Should get back to training anyway. 

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(no subject)
09:35pm 12/06/2007 (UTC)
Rose Doe: My Little Pony
Thinking is good. You need to know what you want in a man. Don't settle! That being said I don't think you are asking for too much. When I decided to marry Nick one of the deciding factors was that he was okay with me being sick. I've finally gotten some but not all answers on my stomach issues I've had since middle school. He knew about them and he's working with me and doesn't hold it against me when I can't go out because of my stomach. I needed that. I needed a man who would be understanding. Not someone who would be a jerk and be upset if we couldn't go out because of my stomach. You need to decide what you really need in a partner. How importanat is someone who wants to travel? More important then someone who wants a family?

As for the crushes...I don't know. I was never someone who had a lot of crushes. There were those who I crushed on, but never as intense as you. So I don't quite get it. Maybe if you explain it to me again I'll get it. :-)
picword: My Little Pony
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(no subject)
01:31pm 13/06/2007 (UTC)
I can't explain the crushes to myself, so I don't think i'd be able to explain it to you.

Traveling isn't as important as a family. No way in hell. I do want someone who's willing to travel ALONG with me for when I travel for work, since I do it often. OR at least a guy who is ok with me traveling a bit for work. I need a man who's ok with when i get a migraine and I'm in so much pain.... one who'd be there for me and try to comfort me, not someone who'd take it personally. I also need a guy who understands how important my family is for me.
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(no subject)
08:48pm 13/06/2007 (UTC)
Rose Doe
That's a good start....Nick could of been a real asshole and not care when my stomach acts up. He could of taken it personally. Hell, sometimes when we were younger I used to feel like you took it personally. You'll find him. I have faith in you.
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