I've been doing a lot of thinking. I think thinking is the devil. Nothing good ever comes from it actually. I guess it sucks to know I annoy people because I'm loud or too blunt. I guess I don't see the point anymore in trying to be fake and nice to others to sugar-coat things for them. I can't really expect people to like me, but knowing I annoy that many people sucks!! That's never cool.
I've always had crushes and someone to like. I wonder if I have these crushes because I try to keep myself from getting hopes up and getting hurt in the end. However, I still wind up getting really freaking hurt. More and more as I get older and develop a crush on someone new. The crush is more and more intense and I get more and more emotionally involved which I wind up getting hurt in the process. It's like you can put someone on a pedestal without even knowing that you're doing it. They're meeting all of your wants for a mate, and whether or not it's true, it's totally how you feel and it becomes true in a way.
No, that's not what I'm trying to say, I'll have to think about it. Regardless, I'm left feeling a bit glum and pretty sad actually. Just wondering when I'll meet that someone out there for me. Also has me analyzing whether or not something is wrong with me as to why I haven't met someone yet.... Why the only people that truely love me are my friends. Guys seem to only want one thing form me and that's ass.... or to play games. I'm so tired of games. I want someone to like me for me, and not because he wants a piece or because he wants to be in a relationship. I want someone emotionally and overall mature. Someone who I can have fun with, but still be realistic that we're adults now. Someone who gets me to try new things, things that I'm a little scared to try, but could be a whole lot of fun, someone who wants to travel, wants a family one day, someone.....
ok I'm going to stop. Should get back to training anyway.